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Written by Desiree Dupuis
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Tuesday March 02, 2010 |
With the passing of St. Valentine’s Day, I find I have been remiss. My journey, the last two years has been that of finding my heart, and I feel that on Valentine’s Day, it would have been nice to take the opportunity to honor it in a way I have never done before. Yes, it is a day for lovers and the culminating of two hearts, but how lovely it would be to extend that, to a day where we celebrated each other’s hearts . . . our childrens’, our spouse’s, our friends’, our parents’, our siblings’ . . .
I am not unlike many women my age; we have loved our children by giving them all we could so they are able to find their way in this great big beautiful world; we have supported our husbands through the ups and downs of their careers and have often seen ourselves through the ups and down of our own careers; we have been a constant support to our extended family and friends. We love our children, love our husbands, we love our families and friends, but one day we wake up exhausted. We crawl out of bed, look in the mirror and say “Who am I? . . . Where did I go and who do I really want to be?” We make our cup of coffee, go sit in the quiet and wonder “What has become of me?” We realize, not only have we not been listening to our heart, we have put it down, and what’s worse, we are unsure of where to find it.
Some of us put our heart down early in marriage thinking that is the only way there is ever going to be enough time to meet everyone else’s needs. Some of us put it down as teenagers, wary of what our heart is telling us, as it seems to be speaking a language contrary to what we have been taught and what we feel we should believe; and some of us put it down as children, not realizing, through the brokenness of our own family, that we are allowed to have our own heart and express it. In all circumstances, we don’t realize that our heart is our greatest gift and we must pay attention to it, listen to it and love it.
 I had to go back and find my heart in my childhood . . . It has been a long and arduous journey. In the beginning, I was brought many teachers, of all manner and form and began to realize the importance of my heart, its yearning, its desires, its energy and its passions. I was afraid that when I found it, it would be broken in so many pieces, I wouldn’t be able to find them all and that it would be impossible to put it back together, but joy of joys, when I did find it, I found it whole . . . beautifully whole, just broken closed. And not totally closed, it was open a tiny crack, and from this crack exuded this beautiful soft light. That light inspired me, for it was lovely and as I began to work, as I began to search and explore my heart’s truth and to listen and vocalize it’s truth, I found my heart began to open more and more, until one day, I woke up and found it had been broken wide open. The things I feared and wanted to run from, I could, now, look at, face to face, and in some moments even embrace them. The judgments I, so strongly made about myself and consequently about others, began to fall away and my Spirit began to shine. As I listened to my heart, I started to recognize my purpose and I began to walk in it. My journey became that of walking in, Big, Bold and Beautiful.
I am still learning. There are moments, sometimes days, where I find my heart has started to close. There are moments, sometimes days, where I fall back into the old pattern of not holding my heart, never mind listening to it. But glory, oh glory, there are more moments and more days, where it is open and in its’ openness I find that I can embrace myself, love myself, understand myself, and forgive myself and in doing so, I am able to embrace, love, understand and forgive others. I have found that a heart wide open is absolutely freeing and enables me to shine, from the inside out.
I love who I am and who I am becoming. I love that my Creator made this heart of mine and that my desires, yearnings and passions are my gifts that allow me to walk in my purpose. So, next year, on Valentine’s Day, I am going to celebrate my heart . . . and all the amazing hearts I am privileged to know.
Keep walking in Big, Bold and Beautiful . . . |
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